everyday i go to work in a presssure cooker. i understand that all work comes with stress and i understand too that humans are bound to make mistakes, and if i do so, i will admit and accept scoldings bcuz i deserved it. but what i cant accept are unreasonable accusuations and mgr's way of sniding comments when u are not even repsonsible for that mistake. being a new staff, there are lots of funcationalities that i do not understand, i dont know how they usually do things, i dont know suppliers, i dont know how suppliers work etc. and time and time again, i get that irritated/pissed look frm my mgr bcuz i didnt do things correctly or bcuz i made mistakes.. shes a perfectionist, but i am not perfect. i mean she cant expect everything to be correct the first time thru right. i hate it when she gives me "that look". she makes me feel that im retarded or im stupid. it really upsets me and i start thinking, am i really that incompetient.
ppl tells me this is what you gotta learn to handle in working environment. i know. but its just very tough and too much for me to handle smtimes. probably cuz im too used to being surrounded by ppl who protects me.. and now that im exposed to the lions eat lambs world, i lost my abilty to self defend. i know i got to learn.. but im just feeling very dishearten and accusated recently.
sometimes, i am still too naive. i keep thinking that the world will be a beautiful place if everyone was compassionate and everyone was willing to coach patiently. sadly, it wont always happen. probably cuz my previous superiors were are compassionate kinds so i naturally tot everyone will be..
i am exhausted. learning and coping.
i wanna go home to ppl who wouldnt judge me for who i am...
